Here are the
results: a varied collection of pet peeves and wry observations — along with
some polite disagreements and a handful of explanations. Many thanks to the
contributors, who shall remain anonymous.
The 8 biggest
gripes
“Seatback in
the upright position.” Scores of people asked, “Is a lousy two-inch pitch
really going to make much of a difference during takeoff and landing?” (See
answer, below.)
Security.
My original column came at the height of the London bomb scare, unleashing a
torrent of complaints about the new no-liquids policy and the goons rifling
through your bags. And why, people asked, can duty-free shops continue to sell
items that their clueless customers cannot take on the airplane?
In-flight
“snacks.” “Why bother to give out half-ounce packages?” asked one reader. “I
counted, and there were only eight peanuts in a package. I saved mine so as not
to spoil my dinner that night.”
Electronic
equipment. If studies have shown that battery-powered devices do not, in
fact, interfere with the cockpit instruments, why do the airlines continue to
prohibit them?
Boarding
procedures. I hit a nerve when I counted boarding procedures among the top
12 ridiculous things about air travel. Hundreds of complaints about this
one.
Seat
cushions. While praising the seat cushion for its services as a “rear-end
comforter and fart sponge,” one reader remained skeptical about its suitability
as a flotation device. “Come on,” the reader said. “How many people have been
bobbing up and down after crashing in the water and said, ’Hey, I will grab onto
the floating seat cushion’?”
Legroom.
Much derision over the often-heard announcement that your primary stowage area
is under the seat in front of you. “It may be true if you didn’t have any legs,”
scoffed one reader, “but don’t insult us with that kind of foolishness.”
Carry-ons.
There were many complaints that carry-on luggage is not subject to a weight
limit. As one reader put it, “So the moron who boards with two rollerboards, a
briefcase and a laptop gets away with delaying the flight and making us all feel
like strangling him.”
My favorite pet
peeves from readers
Readers had
countless pet peeves and recitals of personal bad luck at airports, in security
lines, on the plane and at the baggage carousel. Here are some of my favorites
in the readers’ own words.
“In case of a
‘water landing.’ “What is a water landing??? Isn’t that also known as a
crash???”
No nuts. “I
have noticed the airlines now serve pretzels that are tough as nails and taste
like cardboard. Are they cheaper or just afraid of lawsuits from medical
incidents? My wife is allergic to peanuts and she knows very well not to eat
them. The airlines should just serve the nuts, or at least grow a
couple.”
End points.
“Why do we have to arrive and depart from a place called a ‘terminal’?”
Pilots’
dinner. “When you’re on a flight that has no hot food on board, and the
flight attendant carries a hot crew meal for the pilots up from the back and the
smell wafts through the cabin. Is that a tease? If the passengers don’t get hot
meals, neither should the crew, or at least be more discreet!”
On and off.
“If they are going to preboard passengers with special needs, shouldn’t they be
the last ones off instead of struggling with their bags and holding up
the rest of the airplane?”
“Breathe
normally.” “If I am in a situation where the oxygen mask drops in front of
me, I will probably be peeing my pants. And you want me to breathe
normally?”
Bathroom
runs. “In this day and age, when you have to arrive at the airport several
hours before a flight, and sit around the waiting area for half that time, why,
oh why, must several people always have to clog the aisles to use the
bathroom while the plane is still boarding?”
Clutter in the
seat pockets. “Does anyone actually buy anything from SkyMall? Has anyone
ever taken the complimentary in-flight magazine home with them for the
engrossing articles (‘Five Best Things to Do in Des Moines’)?”
Security,
obviously. “Have you looked at the TSA website lately? They do not list
whether you can bring iPods or MP3 players on a plane (something that about 50
percent of travelers have), but they take pains to list that you cannot take
cattle prods, ninja throwing stars or nunchuks. DUH!”
5 things that
seem ridiculous but actually do have a reason
Finally, here are
five seemingly senseless things that actually do have a reason. Some of these I
just learned myself.
Life vest
instructions on land flights. Lots of people asked, “Why bother?“ Answer: It
is for consistency and in case the flight gets diverted. The FAA’s policy is to
be ready for all contingencies on every flight.
Doesn’t
everyone know how to operate a seat belt by now? Probably. So why bother
with the tedious seat belt instructions? Answer: This was the leadoff complaint
in my original column, and I have since been set straight. The thinking is that
passengers who are reminded about the seat belt at the beginning of a flight are
more apt to remember it during an emergency, when common sense loses its
grip.
“Seatback in
the upright position.” I promised you an answer on this one and here it is.
Yes, the extra five degrees of lean does make a difference in an emergency. The
FAA has proven that it takes 15 to 45 seconds longer to evacuate an airplane
when the seats are reclined. Each of those seconds could be a life lost.
Shades up on
takeoff and landing. “Why?” a reader asked. “Sometimes I think the flight
attendants are just on a power trip. Here I am, pupils scorched by the sunlight,
desperate to get some shut-eye, and I have a flight attendant yelling at me to
put the shade up.” Answer: In an emergency you will need to have the shades up
so you can see what is happening outside the aircraft.
“Who packed
your luggage?” This security question landed some sarcastic remarks, like,
“Does anybody ever say that it was packed by an angry gentleman of apparently
Middle Eastern origin mumbling something about ’death to all crusaders’?”
Answer: Well, no. But the question might get you thinking about that “gift” that
your roommate’s uncle asked you to carry for him to New York.
A couple of readers
complained that I refer to air travel as a joke when it should be considered
serious business. While I don’t want to be sitting next to these readers on a
long flight, I do appreciate their opinion. In fact, I do think of air travel as
a joke, the same way I look on all of life as a humorous journey. For me, seeing
the humor in every situation is a good way to keep sane. On the other hand, my
wife says I’m not all that sane anyway, so maybe the serious folks are right
after all.
I hope
not.
